This Is What I Do To Release The Built-Up Anger That Boils In My Body.

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Anastasiya Tkachenko

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Copywriter and Blogger behind The Journal. This is where I like to ask & answer questions, document travels, and share my world with you. I'm so happy you're here. 

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Hi, I'm Anastasiya

What do you do with all that anger?

Seriously, I’m asking you, what do you do with it?

Do you bury it deep down inside of you and try to distract yourself from it?

Do you pretend it doesn’t exist at all?

Do you work it off at the gym, scream it out in your pillow, or release it onto someone you love?

I’m asking you because I wonder if there’s any way to actually get rid of it, especially when it feels like it’s seeped into your veins, or when it’s so deep inside of you that it feels like your brain is coated with it?

Have you ever felt like it’s even in your bones? It’s a scary feeling.

Or the scariest of all, if you don’t even understand why you’re angry?

Maybe it’s even scarier if you know exactly why and feel helpless.

I’m asking you all these questions because anger looks different on everyone, but more importantly, every single one of us deals with it differently…

Some of us express it more outwardly and some of us internalize it more, and you’d never know how we really feel until or if we’re completely triggered, and we explode.

Or, we may briskly walk away and deal with it in private.

I think there are more people out there than you think who have slowly accumulated anger over the years and now live every day trying to figure out what to do with it.

I am one of those people.

If you saw me, interacted with me, or even got to know me, you would probably never, ever think that, nor would I probably ever tell you unless we grew much closer, or if I knew you could understand my anger.

That’s the thing about anger, if we see someone being angry (aggressively or loudly), most peoples’ first thought is not, “Wow, they must be truly suffering”, it’s more often, “Wow, they’re acting crazy”.

The majority of people, understandably so, react to anger with fear, confusion, or distance.

Now, this definitely depends on the person, their emotional well-being, history, etc., plus whoever is exhibiting the anger will affect the person and how they react, of course.

But at the end of the day, anger isn’t as relatable as sadness. Let me rephrase, it’s not as threatening, which means many people who are angry (very angry) have to deal with their anger on their own.

On the other hand, we may call it anger but it might actually be shame, hopelessness, insecurity, almost anything.

And that is the task for the angry one – to dig deep, sit with our anger, befriend it, nurture it, and understand what’s truly underneath it, then love it and heal it so we can release it and no longer be tortured by it.

But do I really have to sit with it and love it?

Yes, yes you do, but for many of us, actually sitting down consistently with ourselves and tapping into our anger could take years to not only understand it but take years to just sit down with it…

So, I invite you to take baby steps with facing yourself, your inner self, and letting yourself feel your anger and sink into it.

But even then, after years of work, no matter what throughout our life, we will be faced with different challenges that alert and awaken our anger, and we will feel the boil inside of us.

And when this happens in my life, these are the things that I do to help ease, release, and deal with the extreme anger.

I truly hope this does some good for you, you deserve to release your anger.

By the way, I put this picture I took flying over Nevada because I realized when I think of serenity and escape, I think of being in an airplane because it feels like nothing can touch me while I’m in the air. It’s funny that I think that since anger travels with us. But, there’s something soothing about convincing my mind that my troubles are on pause or untouchable while I’m thousands of feet above “reality”.

3 Pages of Consciousness Writing

Trust me, I can feel your super intense eye-rolling right now.

My eyes were rolling when I wrote this too because at this point I think Morning Pages is a trigger word, but nonetheless, it works and has saved me from using a candle holder to smash my window more times than you would think…

Sometimes our anger is so strong that spoken words don’t do it justice, but, TRUST ME, next time you’re angry, WRITE IT DOWN as a stream of consciousness.

Don’t worry about punctuation, no one’s going to check your spelling or grammar, just write it all out.

Often our anger is built up because there’s no way to release it, and that makes it 10x more stressful. So, get a journal or notebook, have a pen ready with it, and write everything – every single thing you feel, any memory you can’t get rid of, anything you wish you could say to someone…write it down.

As a measure of preventative maintenance, I highly recommend doing it every single morning as soon as you wake up, even if you’re not angry at that moment.

Releasing your thoughts, feelings, ideas, whatever onto a page and just letting it spill out of you with no judgment of what you write is extremely helpful, therapeutic, and pleasant.

Truly, this one thing allowed me to release a boiling anger inside of me that felt like a heart attack.

And if your brain feels like it’s going to explode, then this will really help you.

It works, so stop being so stubborn and do it. Everyday. Then thank me later.

I’ve linked here the lined journal that I use every day and my favorite pen here. Use a pen and paper that you like, not just anything, this is personal so personalize it.

Go For a Walk, Not a Run

Eye-roll #2, right?

I know, this list probably feels self-explanatory, but truthfully, the simplest acts make the biggest difference, and these are things that you can do in the moment that do help…

I suggest taking a walk instead of a run because a walk allows us to slow down and process what we’re feeling, while a run is almost meant to expedite or exhaust it out of us. It’s also a release, a wonderful type of release, but almost more physically and chemically, rather than emotionally.

Stay with me now.

So many of us head straight to the gym to “release our anger” through our bodies, which is extremely valuable and important, but in a different way than slowing down and always “walking through” our emotions, feelings, thoughts, etc.

Walking gives us an opportunity to walk side-by-side with our anger and feel through it, rather than almost run away from it. Does that make sense?

That’s the thing about anger, many of us want to get rid of it rather than walk with it because it’s extremely painful. Many people prefer to distract the emotional pain with physical pain.

I completely understand, sometimes all you want to do is purge it out, like a detox.

But, long-term-wise, you’re gonna have to take a walk. Maybe even after your run.

For me, I’ll walk until the anger is out of me.

From this point on, do your best to slowly start facing your anger and allowing yourself to sink into it rather than running away from it.

Trust me, even if you don’t trust me at all, this is what has helped me improve the most.

The more you run, the farther away you get from healing. The fastest way is through. It sucks, I know, but nothing sucks more than feeling an absurd amount of anger forever.

Plus, when you’re outside and you’re slowly releasing your anger, you can admire the cotton candy sky or stars above you and remind yourself that there is a big, beautiful world outside of your mind.

Force Yourself To Feel The Present Moment

Ridiculous, right?

How the hell am I supposed to “feel present” when I want to break everything around me and want to distract myself from how I feel in the moment?

Healing is miserable, I know.

No one said it was easy, but what better way to release your mind’s focus on your anger than by redirecting the thoughts to things around you?

Even if you’re in a situation where you’re around people or in a place that’s completely triggering your anger, this is a great moment where you can step away and re-orientate your mind to focus on the present moment.

This is a tough one especially when you’re having a physiological reaction deep inside of your body of a memory that’s angered you. It’s so unbelievably difficult to redirect your mind to release the memory and come back to your reality.

But, with practice and grit, this can be done.

And at some point, it’ll be a life-saver to have the ability to control your emotions in the moment.

How do I do this then?

If I have the chance, I will go to the bathroom, go outside, or simply stand in a corner and look at the things around me and focus on them.

I’ll touch things to stop overthinking, I’ll look up at the sky or feel the breeze of the wind to remind myself where I am, or maybe if I’m really desperate I’ll call someone I trust and ask them to distract me from having a panic attack.

But sometimes we have no one to call, or can’t.

Which is why it’s so important to learn the art of self-soothing and self-regulating our emotions.

Talk It Out, Even With Just Yourself

I have many, many conversations with myself all the time…especially when I’m taking baths.

Sometimes we don’t need to talk it through with someone, or there simply might not be someone to talk to.

You take care of yourself, as you should, so why not tell yourself exactly how you feel and work it through?

Maybe you won’t come to a full conclusion, but the most important thing is that your body releases the pent-up emotions inside of you. Just like writing it out, sometimes I talk for 5 hours straight to myself because that’s how much anger I’m harboring inside of my body, and really need to release it.

Who cares how it looks?

You are your safe space, and if you’re not (which many people aren’t) please realize that if you can’t take care of your well-being, then no one else can. Nor should they.

Then again, if you have people who love and adore you and are happy to support you, please be kind to these people and appreciate their kindness.

Many people out there lack support and are forced to have to feel all by themselves.

So whether or not you’ve got people to debrief or vent to, be somewhere that makes you feel safe and talk it out with yourself.

Be a Mess, Then Rest

What?

Yeah, that’s the usual reaction to that suggestion.

By this I mean, put yourself in a safe space where you can’t hurt yourself (i.e. can’t fall on a sharp corner, etc.) and let yourself release whatever you’re feeling in whatever way it comes out…

Scream into your pillow, throw your pillow, hit your pillow, jump up and down, etc.

Be a mess, but be safe doing it.

We need to crumble, then rest and recover.

Anger is an exhausting emotion, it takes so much from us. So when you finally allow your body, mind, and soul to release the emotion without worry, then all of a sudden you’re drained.

For me, I spent months and months dealing with anger that consumed every single cell, neuron, thought, feeling, and sensation in my body.

I was sick with anger, but at that point, it became my baseline, my normal tension.

At some point, I was able to slowly start releasing the anger, but I realized my mind, body, and soul were so exhausted from this intense emotion that I needed naps (which I never did before) after only working for a bit, could barely go outside, and had to rest after having conversations with people.

I had to physically rest after having a simple conversation…

That’s what anger does to a person, it truly is like drinking poison.

It infects every inch of our body, including our minds, nervous system, skin, gut, breathing, vision, and more.

So be a mess, let your feelings out, then be prepared to let yourself rest. You need it, allow it.

If Anger Is Poison, Gratitude Is Medicine

I hate to break it to you, but the gurus are right: gratitude is the answer to all.

I’m not sure why so many people resist accepting that…

As if a more complex answer would bring them more comfort, or acceptable excuses.

Please, don’t get me wrong, there is no easy way through healing anything, and that’s why most of the world avoids it.

It’s taken me 10 years to get to where I am now, and I still have moments that are agonizing.

But, dealing and healing with our inner being is not about never feeling pain ever again, it’s about learning how to cope and release the pain when it pops up so we can live on.

Regardless, it’s a simple fact that you can’t feel anger and gratitude at the same time.

If you’re truly in a state of gratitude, it fills your body will light.

Anger and gratitude both seep through your skin, are injected into your veins, and affect all of your internal systems, but in two completely different ways.

Gratitude feels like a high and anger feels like withdrawal.

At least that’s how it feels to me.

So when your mind is entangled with anger and your chest starts to strain from pain like a heart attack, find your gratitude in that moment.

Even if you’re in the thick of it, especially if you’re in the thick of it, find what positively fuels you…

It can be anything, but you truly have to feel it and believe in it.

Let it be anything:

  • The joy of road trips with the person you love most.
  • The walk at the end of the day you get to take with your dog.
  • The freedom to choose your future.
  • Having a warm, comfortable bed.
  • Hot water for baths.
  • A friend to call.
  • A computer to watch your feel-good show.
  • Having two strong legs that allow you to get up and walk.

Could you imagine having to deal with all your anger and not be able to walk it off?

When I was in the thick of my anger, I sprained my ankle and couldn’t walk for four days at all…

That was one of the greatest and most torturous mental health exercises I’ve ever had to do because I was actually forced to sit with my anger every single moment for four days straight, without being able to use my usual tactics, which my primary is taking a walk.

Even if that means walking to the kitchen or the bathroom or just stepping outside…

I couldn’t do any of those things and I thought I was going to have a panic attack.

But then, when you have no choice but to face your fears and sit with yourself, you have to quickly readjust your mind to focus on the good so you don’t sink too far into the anger, the poison.

And then you quickly realize that everything is just an emotion…

Even if you think it might destroy you in the moment, remember, all emotions come and go.

So let it come, then let it go.

Cold Water

If you feel like your mind and body can’t calm down, jump into cold water, safely.

When I feel like I have no control over my mind racing and my body boiling, I get myself into cold water and take deep breaths.

Maybe I’ll get into the shower and just sit under the shower as it pours on me in the dark with the door slightly open to let the light in, or my favorite way, drive over to Lifetime Fitness and swim in the lap pool.

There’s something about feeling weightless and letting the cold water touch my skin that allows the fire inside of me to subside.

What helps my thoughts is going underwater and everything goes silent for a few moments. Like being in zero gravity.

Swim until you’re calm. I certainly do.

If You Can Confront The Anger, Do It

If your anger is coming from a particular situation that can be addressed, I highly recommend taking action and confronting the anger whether that’s a person, place, or thing.

Sometimes we feel the most anger because we feel helpless in defending ourselves, don’t have the opportunity to explain our side of the story, or we’re completely alienated and no one cares to listen.

So if you have the chance to discuss, explain, or confront the core of your anger if it’s coming from outside of you, then get yourself together and make your move.

I feel tortured when situations can’t be handled and fester on without any sort of resolution or fairness.

Then again, we don’t always get the opportunity to right our wrongs or work things out.

And that is something we just have to work through on our own, and we will be okay.

Especially if you incorporate some of the things mentioned above, I think it’ll do you some good.

Did you enjoy that one?

How about How To Be Alone When You Don’t Want To Be next…

Love,

Anastasiya

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